holiday tradition

Bea has taken out the Halloween decorations while we’re setting up for Christmas. She is playing a game with them. Indiana is snatching them away.

Beatrix: Indi’s a water monster!

Me: Oh. Is she?

Beatrix: Yeah! She keeps taking my pumpkins and filling them up with water. They don’t LIKE water, Indi — they like blood!

(Bea, age 6)

bargaining.

The girls have a Star Wars advent calendar that contains Lego pieces inside. Indi notices the Yoda on the outside of the box and decides that she wants it.

Indiana: (pointing to the box) Bea-Bea… Chewbacca? Chewbacca for Bea-Bea?

(Indi, age 2.)

why?

Indi is on a non-stop streak of answering everything I’m telling her with “why?” Bea is getting annoyed.

Indiana: Why?

Me: (sighing) I don’t know, Indi.

Indiana: Why?

Beatrix: She doesn’t know, okay!?

Indiana: Why?

Beatrix: Because she’s not a scientist!

Indiana: Why?

Beatrix: BECAUSE SHE HASN’T GOT A JOB!

Touché.

(Bea, age 6.)

zoology 101.

Beatrix: (randomly) If you hear a koala roar, you should put it down. Because it’s going to have a baby.

(Bea, age 6.)

Clean up, Australia.

Beatrix notices some trash on the ground in the reserve near our house.

Beatrix: I really hope Australia learns to clean up the world.

Me: Me too.

Beatrix: Why do people do that?

Me: I guess they’re careless with their rubbish.

Beatrix: Yeah! They’re really lazy. They’re like, they don’t have any legs! They think they’re a daisy.

(Bea, age 6)

thoughts.

(Bea and Indi are watching the Teletubbies. The sun has the face of a baby and it laughs constantly.)

Beatrix: That baby is friggin’ nuts.

(Bea, age 6.)

“How dare you!”

(Bea has Indiana’s Star Wars Pez dispenser. Indi snatches it back.)

Beatrix: Hey! I had that!

Indiana: My Yoda, thank you much!

Indi, age 2.

smart mouth.

Bea and Indi are fighting over whose turn it is to choose a video.

Indiana: My turn!

Beatrix: It’s my turn now! You had a turn!

Indiana: No! My turn!

Opa: It’ll be my turn next, and I’ll choose smacking you on the bottom!

Beatrix: We don’t even have that video.

(Bea, age 6.)

road rage.

We’re in the car, and some of my well-known impatience takes place.

Me: (yelling at drivers) What the hell is wrong with you people?!

Beatrix: I think… that maybe they are arseholes.

(Bea, age 6.)

life choices.

(Ross is trying on my new Darth Vader helmet.)

Nikki: It fits you better than it fits me. Maybe Daddy should be Darth Vader.

Beatrix: (to Ross) You already have a job!

(Bea, age 6.)